Adventure of a lifetime
The beginning...
Waking up today, I took a moment before crowding my mind up with things to be done in the day, thoughts to think about, songs to be played on a loop and roads to travel all day. I sat in my living area thanking God for this dream I'm living right now...I now know what living the dream means. You know that feeling of preparing to participate in a quiz for like days or weeks? Thinking how it will be, whether you will win or what kind of questions will come up etc. And then on the quiz day you realise wow, this is happening today...this will answer all those questions Ive been thinking about- I will either make it or break it. This is what I woke up feeling like today. All those moments of anticipation, restlessness and wonder...of how it will be when I finally get to live alone...will I be able to survive, will it be as adventurous and exciting as I'm hoping it to be, will it be as liberating as I have thought it to be? Well, I am here and finding out every single day.
It has been one full month since I came to the UK to start working here. I know this dream comes with an expiry date but why should that stop me from cherishing it as much as possible? Yes I will have to eventually return to India and lead the same life I've lived for 23 years but does it really matter? Its about one life changing experience, one moment that transforms you as a person or one day which makes you change the way you think. I've always said that living by myself will make me discover the real me- the person I am capable of becoming. All those issues with self-doubt, of requiring a constant validation from people around, of not being a woman of substance in reality, of fear of failure to withstand a situation and most of all, if I'll ever get rid of my inhibition and be able to be at my truest with people around...The way I am when I'm just by myself. It has always amazed me how what I think is so much more refined and insightful than what I generally end up speaking or expressing to people. And I have always hoped that one day, I will be able to match what I speak to what I think. That one day, I will care so little of what people will think about my words or actions that I will be able to be bring my inner most feelings out in the open. And every time I have yearned for this, I have believed that an experience like this will help me reach there.
In the one month that has gone by, I have experienced and felt so many emotions- emotions of utter misery on not being able to do simple house chores, of painful loneliness, of a wild freedom, of pangs of joy to realise I am travelling alone everywhere, of frustration when I'm not able to get anyone to talk to in times of worry, of happiness on being able to perform well at my job, of 'latent' love for my family and a surprising worry about my parents and how they are doing. Its just the first month so I wouldn't push myself to arrange my thoughts or emotions in a certain manner. I'd rather see them build me up in the coming days into the person I will turn out to be by the end of this time.
The beginning...
Waking up today, I took a moment before crowding my mind up with things to be done in the day, thoughts to think about, songs to be played on a loop and roads to travel all day. I sat in my living area thanking God for this dream I'm living right now...I now know what living the dream means. You know that feeling of preparing to participate in a quiz for like days or weeks? Thinking how it will be, whether you will win or what kind of questions will come up etc. And then on the quiz day you realise wow, this is happening today...this will answer all those questions Ive been thinking about- I will either make it or break it. This is what I woke up feeling like today. All those moments of anticipation, restlessness and wonder...of how it will be when I finally get to live alone...will I be able to survive, will it be as adventurous and exciting as I'm hoping it to be, will it be as liberating as I have thought it to be? Well, I am here and finding out every single day.
It has been one full month since I came to the UK to start working here. I know this dream comes with an expiry date but why should that stop me from cherishing it as much as possible? Yes I will have to eventually return to India and lead the same life I've lived for 23 years but does it really matter? Its about one life changing experience, one moment that transforms you as a person or one day which makes you change the way you think. I've always said that living by myself will make me discover the real me- the person I am capable of becoming. All those issues with self-doubt, of requiring a constant validation from people around, of not being a woman of substance in reality, of fear of failure to withstand a situation and most of all, if I'll ever get rid of my inhibition and be able to be at my truest with people around...The way I am when I'm just by myself. It has always amazed me how what I think is so much more refined and insightful than what I generally end up speaking or expressing to people. And I have always hoped that one day, I will be able to match what I speak to what I think. That one day, I will care so little of what people will think about my words or actions that I will be able to be bring my inner most feelings out in the open. And every time I have yearned for this, I have believed that an experience like this will help me reach there.
In the one month that has gone by, I have experienced and felt so many emotions- emotions of utter misery on not being able to do simple house chores, of painful loneliness, of a wild freedom, of pangs of joy to realise I am travelling alone everywhere, of frustration when I'm not able to get anyone to talk to in times of worry, of happiness on being able to perform well at my job, of 'latent' love for my family and a surprising worry about my parents and how they are doing. Its just the first month so I wouldn't push myself to arrange my thoughts or emotions in a certain manner. I'd rather see them build me up in the coming days into the person I will turn out to be by the end of this time.
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