On the other side of 25

It's been 2 years since I last wrote a post and it's amusing how much I have changed in this time. My desire from life, my attitude towards it and where I stand are all completely different now. I also don't write as enthusiastically as I used to in the past. Words fail me a lot more now. But it would be a shame not to update my blog for how things have been since 2016. There have been a few significant changes in this time with some to talk about and some to keep in my heart.

 

I no longer work in KPMG. After spending 4 years, 9 months and 11 days in the company, I took a decision to overcome all the thoughts that had been holding me from moving to a different place and actually did it! I have to admit that sometimes life's most important decisions need to be taken in a heartbeat or else, you just cant bring yourself to take them ever. Especially if the cost of it is dear to your heart. So that's what I did. On a more courage-filled day, I walked to my Director and broke the news to her and that was it. About 4 months from that day today, I look back and know that was the right thing to do and that place had served its purpose in my life.

What do I do now, you may wonder. I'm waiting. I am a deeply impatient and restless human being at heart and therefore am going through a very important lesson in life right now- 'All things in good time'. Its frustrating and sometimes I feel like running around the house yelling on top of my voice about nothing in particular but I suppress the emotion by thinking of the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh and in an alternative, less complicated response- I am finishing my exams and waiting for the next job to begin.

I am also, no longer in my early 20s. While still mostly selfish, my thoughts and worries now linger around a different set of themes. Marriage being a gigantic part of these. Its more real than ever with my peer group slowly slipping into the pool of changed relationship statuses and liking men for entirely different, more mature reasons than before. I can also hear the clock ticking much louder in terms of the time I have to 'settle' into a job and at a specific place. I feel like I'm much older suddenly, than a lot of people and even my sisters who have otherwise consistently been 2 years younger than me but are suddenly still young at 24 while I am a mature adult in the society.

I might not be able to do much in terms of the increasing years of my physical life and therefore stubbornly remain a child in my spiritual life. The daily struggles of remaining consistent in my devotion time, of keeping my faith intact through good days and bad, of knowing God more deeply and wonderfully than before, its all still there and keeping me from growing up. I love God deeply but still struggle to make him a casual part of my existence and conversations as everything else that is tangible and close to me. 

2018 is a year of changes, this I know. And I am waiting to see what the next few months hold for me. Till then, casually strolling through the struggle that is this 'adult life' and dealing with  pangs of reality checks that come my way.