"When the music changes, so does the dance"

As 2018 wraps-up after a ride of wild decision-making and emotional perils, I felt an imperative need to record my state of mind in this final blog-post for the year.

I write this from a very new setup, both literally and metaphorically. I am no longer comfortably placed on my secluded dewan-bed in my otherwise siblings-shared bedroom in Delhi. Though still secluded, my bed is now in a small studio apartment about 10,430 kilometres from Delhi, in Sydney. I moved here 1 month and 22 days ago after a tiresome and emotionally-heavy 16 hours long flight to start working in EY Australia. That's the job I got as a result of a rigorous application procedure and a series of interviews that were slightly less disastrous than others. I am quite happy with how things worked out for me and made me get out of the waiting phase and into a new one just at the right time. But this is by far the biggest decision I have had to take in my life and also the biggest change I am undergoing.

From an overview, this is a great place to be in. I am back on my feet working again, earning again and all of it with one of the biggest professional organisations in the world. I have a house to live in, enough money to get by (even some extra) and what seems like a pretty promising career as well. I am also a part of a more advanced economy now(until India catches up and one day it will) and well, can't complain about cleaner air, can we. And yet, almost every day, I have to mentally say these things to myself and a few more to convince myself that this is good. I keep going to the first day of landing in Manchester and loving just the mere feeling of existing in that moment. There was nothing special, nothing spectacular. It was around the break of dawn so still mostly dark and the airport was not fancy big either. And yet, I could feel like my mind was smiling throughout the immigration check-out, the cab ride in the dark to Residence 6 in Leeds and for the rest of the seven months of living there.

Snapping back to present day, I keep wondering what's changed from then to now. And I know there are a lot of answers to that but I keep yelling to myself 'but you are the same person, aren't you!' and  'You wanted this for yourself, didn't you?' Well, I don't know the right answer to this question but I know one thing that's definitely not changed since 2016. That is- opportunities coming my way without any real effort of my own (except for really wishing hard on them). And since this one happened on its own too, I feel like giving it a chance.

Its funny how time changes the things we want so drastically. Maybe this is why its said that human needs are never fully satisfied. By the time we reach where we thought we have been wanting to reach because of a goal we set for ourselves a year ago, we have changed as people during the time and now want something completely different! We could call it the ultimate irony of life or the vicious circle that this life is.

So 2018 has been a year of achieving the goals that I had made for myself back in 2016 and yet realising that there is no such thing as 'achieving' a goal. So here's to moving into a new year of confused existence and bitter-sweet memories.